2 am epiphanies

I had a realization really late last night. But, instead of blogging it, I decided to read Effing Dykes instead.

www.effingdykes.blogspot.com

Yes, I have officially read every post. Although my queer pride is greatly increased, I am left feeling like I'm out of the lesbian club. (Can I still be in the club if I find lesbians attractive? Can I keep my boyfriend? Please? He's British! He likes Doctor Who! He makes me toast! With beans on it! DoyouhaveanyideahowEFFINGDELICIOUSthatis??)



But, seriously. Seriously, now. *puts on serious face* Read Effing Dykes if you haven't already. Okay, maybe just a post or two. I realize not everyone is as fucking obsessive as I am and finds a blog and then reads the whole damn thing like it's a book.

I HAVE NOT LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. I was just caught up in the rainbows and butterflies and glitter that is being a card-carrying member of the LGBTQ community.

Breeeathe in that glitter. Breeeathe it out.



(I'm never blogging caffeinated again.)

H'okay. So about that 2 am realization. I'm pretty sure it's because my friends back home seem to be rather sheltered. Or else they are goody-goodies by choice. (Or else I'm totally deceived and "potluck at the church" is codeword for "we gonna rage our brains out on Jell-O shots.")



I have transformed into a bad girl. The kind that has "accidentally lost" her purity ring and makes her father shake his head with a, "But you were baptized."



After checking to make sure (for the umpteenth time) that this blog is indeed NOT linked to my Facebook (my family is big and Baptist and veryveryvery active on Facebook), I thought it was time to have a little heart-to-bloggy-heart.

I posted a posty post a waaaay long time ago about how I felt like I was hiding from my family. It was a rather emo little post. I was trying to be all deep n' shit (that's deep and shit, not deep in shit, although the latter may be up for debate). It's all like, "Baaaaah I'm not Christian and baaaah I sort of wish I was raised Jewish and baaaaah I'm a liberal and nobody would like the real meeeee. *sniffsniff*"



I'm going to try to not get that emo. Because emo's not cool anymore. Hipsters are cool, and hipsters are ironic.



Hipsters also don't seem to grasp the definition of the word "ironic." So, maybe you can try making this post hipster-ironic by reading it out loud in a funny voice. I do a rather good Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, personally.



I've realized that I can't tell my family about shit. Le duh. I think most people have that realization when they're about six and playing doctor with the hot neighbor girl in the Mary Janes. Although, I have admittedly started flying my liberal flag in front of my family. But that's just because I like riling up Republicans. Dear God, it's amusing.



What I hadn't realized is that I've morphed into the aforementioned "bad girl" of Dixie standards. That I am what I was warned not to become in Sunday school.

Yes. I'm the one that has a friend or two that hangs out with me to "be the example." I am no longer the purest little nerd. I am no longer the golden child. I am no longer the special little snowflake.



I feel like I should do something with this new status. That my propensity towards horror movies and oggling boobs freely and dropping the fuck-bomb all over the place and not believing in Jesus gives me some sort of right to do something.

I dunno. What's the next step? Epicureanism? Hedonism? I mean, I'm already going to hell, right? May as well get there thoroughly.

BUTBUTBUUUUUTT!!

My definition of a good night is watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Doctor Who! Snuggled warm in bed with a bag of Sour Patch Kids! I have a penchant for funny hats! I watch the news!

(Admittedly, I mostly keep up with BBC because I am an Anglophile that likes to feel British. I also watch Fox News because I like seeing Republicans get their red little panties in an elephant-sized wad.)



Sigh. If I'm going to be the "bad girl" that gets her soul and her (lack of) salvation discussed over Sunday dinner, I feel like I should actually be more of a bad girl. Maybe I'll get a tattoo. Maybe I'll take up smoking. Or maybe I'll stick with my Sour Patch Kids. And I'll definitely get back on campus and realize yet again that, to most of the world, I'm a harmless little lump of measily nerdflesh.

Have any of you found yourselves in this kind of situation, especially when leaving home for the first time?